Father and daughter

Father and daughter. 

                                                                           

Sam

Hi Dad.

Dad

Hi Sam!

Sam

Are you feeling better? 

Dad

Not really, it's not being an easy recovery

Sam

You didn't do what I told you, did you? You'd have a much better recovery, trust me.. (pause) Anyway, if you rest a couple more days you'll be fine...

Dad

Hope so

Sam

 But ... actually I wanted to talk to you

Dad

Oh do you? What about?

Sam

 You know that I've never put myself in yours and mum's life... but I think she's going through a really tough time and I think that this time she's not managing on her own. She seams very distracted, if you know what I mean?

Dad

Well... I do but I don't to be honest. 

Why are you telling me this? 

I think she left it very clear the last time she didn't want any help from me. I mean, she was fine... we were fine she just simply wants to be on her own, or make her own decisions.. you know how she is..

Sam

I do, and thats why I'm telling you this... she needs help, and I don't know what to do? or how to do it.

 And then there's always that thing, I don't want to get involved but I feel I can't leave her alone, can I? Can you please help? 

Dad

What thing?

Sam

Dad...Come on

Dad

Seriously, there's always so many things with your mom, I kind of lost track.

Sam

Well, the fact that she can't paint again

Dad 

Oh come on... you girls are too dramatic

Sam

Dad, I think you haven't realise the seriouness of this situation. She cant hold a brush

Dad 

What d'you mean?

Sam

She literally can't hold on to a brush without starting to shake

Dad

Is it that bad?

Sam

Yes, Dad. I've tried to tell you

Dad

When? I didn't realise it was physical!

 I thought it was all in her mind. That's very sad, unfortunatly. Have she been to a doctor?

Sam

Yes... but

Dad

what?

Sam

It's nothing in specific, I mean the doctors can't find the reason

Dad

But when did this started? 

Sam

Starting to affect her work properly, probably three months ago

Dad

What three months?

Sam

Yep

Dad

Shit...(long pause) that... three months, you said?

Sam

Yes.. what? 

Dad

Nothing nothing its just... a long time

Sam

Exactly... So can you help her?

Dad

Well, yes.. sure.. I mean, I don't know exactly how you wanted me to help...but sure...

Sam

Well... You can start by fixing her hand the same way you destroied it. I can't hear her complaining anymore. Go and fix both of you....

Dad

Sam!!!

Puppet On a String

It could be the beginning of something extra-ordinary. Hmmm... I believe that is what every creator on earth thinks. But today my experiment is to create. I'm now creating as I'm writing. Once, someone told that you start creating when you simply start. Or that you can start an achievement when you think you're starting. So let's say I want to stop smoking I simply stop and there you go. Then you have the challenge to maintain or to break it or even to develop it but the reality is that you just started.

It's hard to start. In fact, starting is the hardest. Starting a blank page, starting to lose weight, starting a relationship. And actually, and funny enough starting is not the hardest. The hardest is to keep it. To develop it. To hold on to it. 

And when we start questioning? There's a question!! The question is always dubious. 

So let's not make this post about starting or about searching or about wondering which is normally what I always do. Go around in circles and circles. Talking about my questions and beginnings. So today I would like to talk about people. About stories and what makes those stories interesting. 

Today I was listen to Sandie Shaw on Desert Islands. I never heard of her before but she had an incredible life. She was super famous, super rich but also super poor and probably unhappy. She went from singer to waitress where she was extremely happy. There's no right or wrong, there's no better or worse. But there is doing what you love, doing what you want and creating. We are constant creators of our own life. 

Funny enough the song that made her win EuroVision was Puppet on a String, and there's a sentence that goes like: 

In or out, there is never a doubt 

Just who's pulling the strings 
I'm all tied up to you 
But where's it leading me to?

And for me there shouldn't be a doubt. We’re leading our own lives.

Sandie Shaw an example how life can go around and around but we can still find happiness. She found peace in her ups and downs.

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Today I leave it like this. Tomorrow it's another day! 

The diary of a non-artist.

SCENE 1

SCENE 1

Aqui vamos nós outra vez... Como é que é possível que não consiga aguentar uma noite inteira na cama. No fundo estou exausta de tanto procurar. Porquê procurar? Vivemos nesta expectativa da procura de alguma coisa que na verdade nunca vamos encontrar. Será? A única verdade é aquela à qual queremos fugir. E por isso andamos e andamos e andamos e continuamos a andar...  Acabamos por deixar-nos cair naquele buraco negro que engole todos os resquícios dessa verdade monumental. Será inevitável? Caramba, será mesmo? Talvez devêssemos deixar de procurar aquilo que já sabemos que vamos encontrar, ou não? Convencemo-nos de que não, de que vamos atingir a fantasia que alimentamos na nossa cabeça. Procuramos a felicidade, mas porquê procurar algo que temos de ser nós a construir? E se na realidade essa felicidade for exactamente aquilo que não esperamos que seja. E se o cliché de que a nossa vida não vai ser nada daquilo que planeámos está mesmo certo? E se de repente tudo aquilo em que acreditamos, todo o caminho que projetámos até agora forem apenas ilusões? Olhares que pensámos que fossem mudar as nossas vidas e transformá-las naquilo que tínhamos imaginado mas que afinal.... Não... Não chegam, não são, não se revelam. Afinal, para onde foram esses planos? Será que estamos continuamente à procura de algo que já aqui está. Andamos e andamos e andamos. Mas afinal é aqui. Já chegámos. Quando duvidamos de tudo. Quando na dúvida estamos bem, é de certa forma reconfortante. É a nossa zona de conforto. Deixar de procurar e aceitar de uma vez por todas que já chegámos – isso sim é coragem. Bolas. Quando é que sabemos que hoje é o dia? O dia em que nos apercebemos que não temos como fugir ou desejar, temos apenas de estar, de permanecer, de confiar e assentar no imenso poder que é a quietude. Mas talvez isso seja entrar na maré como todos os outros? Ou não, ou não. Ou talvez só precise de uma bica escaldada, de um cigarro e de ver estes corpos quase adormecidos a pairar pelas ruas Lisboetas. Pode ser que seja desta que consiga sentar-me à frente da merda da tela do computador e espalhar letras numa folha em branco. Talvez até façam sentido. Talvez não sejamos feitos para aquilo que tínhamos planeado. Sinto-me apenas dúvida. Será esse o destino final? Tal como aquela nuvem de fumo pela qual quase que mataria agora. Calma, pode ser que chegue lá.  É a coragem para parar de buscar. Que paradoxal. Deve ser esse o caminho.

banksy

copyright is for losers

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge

keep it real

a lot of people never use their initiative because no-one told them to

It takes a lot of guts to stand up anonymously in a western democracy and call for things no-one belives in - like peace and justice and freedom

there are no exceptions to the rule that everyone thinks they're an exception to the rules

have a nice day

please take your litter home